8 Important Aspects Educators Should Understand About Challenging Behaviors
by Eric Nachtigal
Every educator has encountered students whose behaviors present challenges in the classroom. Whether it’s a child who consistently disrupts class, withdraws socially, or exhibits signs of emotional dysregulation, understanding the missing skills and unmet needs causing these behaviors is crucial for effectively addressing them, along with effectively managing our own emotional responses.
At the heart of managing challenging behaviors lies a deep understanding of how trauma, brain development, and the quality of relationships impact a student’s ability to learn and engage. The following insights—guided by principles of restorative practices, trauma-informed teaching, and emotional regulation—can empower educators to not only address challenging behaviors but to create classrooms that nurture emotional resilience, foster connection, and ultimately support positive behavior change.
1. Behavior Is Not About Character, It’s About Missing Skills
One of the fundamental beliefs in addressing challenging behaviors is that kids do well if they can, as stated by Dr. Ross Greene. When a student is not meeting expectations, it’s not a moral failing or an issue of character. Instead, it’s often a sign that the child is missing critical skills needed to succeed in the classroom. These might include emotional regulation, impulse control, social communication, or problem-solving. Educators must shift their mindset from viewing behavior as “bad” to understanding it as an opportunity for skill-building and deeper connection. By recognizing that every behavior is a chance to teach, rather than punish, educators can help students develop the missing skills they need to better manage their emotions and interactions. This approach is rooted in the idea that learning and behavior are brain issues, not character issues.
2. Understanding the Impact of Trauma on Brain Development
When students exhibit challenging behaviors, it’s essential to recognize the potential underlying trauma that may be affecting their brain development. Research shows that Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACEs)—including abuse, neglect, or exposure to violence—can have lasting impacts on a child's brain structure and functioning. Trauma can over-activate the stress response system, making it harder for students to regulate their emotions and behavior. The trauma-informed approach emphasizes that safe, supportive relationships heal brains. By creating an environment where students feel safe, seen, and heard, educators can provide the foundation for emotional and academic healing. Trauma-informed practices, including restorative approaches, giving students choices in the classroom, being empathetic and curious about behavior, rather than judgmental, can help students develop healthier responses to stress and form more positive connections with their peers and teachers.
3. Restorative Practices: Building Positive Behavior Change Through Relationships
At the core of effective behavior management is the belief that deep and lasting change happens over time in community with others, together. Restorative practices, such as community building circles and respect agreements, are an effective way to foster this community. These practices focus on building relationships, promoting accountability, giving students a voice, and repairing harm rather than simply administering punishment. Restorative circles, one-on-one restorative conversations, and reflection on behavior all provide students with the opportunity to understand the impact of their actions, take responsibility, and repair relationships. By engaging in restorative practices, educators can help students reflect on their behavior in a way that fosters empathy and emotional growth, rather than reinforcing negative cycles of shame or isolation.
4. Co-Regulation: The Importance of Adult Regulation
A key to supporting students through challenging behaviors is adult regulation. Educators who are regulated—emotionally calm, present, and grounded—serve as models for students who may be struggling to manage their emotions. When a teacher is calm and responsive, they can help guide a student through emotional escalation, using co-regulation strategies, such as getting a drink of water, deep breathing, walk and talks, to bring the student back to a state of calm. Co-regulation involves adults helping students manage their emotional states by offering a soothing presence, verbal cues, and empathetic listening. This strategy is particularly important when a student is escalated, as it helps them regain a sense of safety and control. Without co-regulation, students may struggle to self-soothe, which can exacerbate behavioral challenges.
5. Closing the Stress Cycle: Educators' Work Life Balance and Co-Care is Essential
Educators often give so much of themselves to their students that their own well-being can be overlooked. However, closing the stress cycle—actively managing and processing stress—is essential for educators to bring their best selves to the classroom each day and continue to widen their own window of tolerance, as noted by Dr. Dan Siegel. If teachers are carrying the weight of unresolved stress, they may struggle to remain calm, patient, and effective when dealing with challenging behaviors. Engaging in co-care practices that close the stress cycle, such as exercise, mindfulness, healthy eating habits, laughing, and social support can help educators regulate their own emotions, preventing burnout and fostering a more positive and productive classroom environment. When educators close their own stress cycles, they create a classroom atmosphere where students feel more safe, secure, and supported.
6. Helping Adults and Students Overcome Shadow Messages
Both adults and students can carry shadow messages—the unconscious beliefs about themselves and others that stem from past experiences. For students, these might include beliefs like “I’m not good enough,” “I’m bad,” “I’m not lovable,” or “I’ll never be successful.” These messages can manifest as disruptive behavior, withdrawal, or other challenges in the classroom. It is important for educators to recognize these shadow messages in themselves and their students. Helping students challenge these negative beliefs and replace them with healthier, more empowering thoughts (golden shadow messages) can promote emotional healing and foster positive behavioral change. Building relationships where students feel seen, valued, heard, and capable of growth can help them overcome these messages and realize their full potential.
7. The Role of Safe, Supportive Relationships in Healing
Creating classrooms that are trauma-informed means understanding the critical role that safe, supportive relationships play in healing. Students cannot thrive in environments where they feel unsafe, disconnected, or unseen. To transform our schools, we must prioritize relationships—both between students and educators, and among students themselves. When students feel like they belong, are supported, their strengths are recognized and utilized, and are truly seen for who they are, they are more likely to engage in positive behaviors. As educators, it is essential to create a community where every student knows they are valued, not just for their academic performance but for who they are as individuals.
8. Building Trauma-Informed Schools: Discipline to Teach, Not Punish
In a trauma-informed school, discipline is viewed as a way to teach, not punish. Traditional disciplinary approaches focused on theories and practices of behaviorism, that rely on punishment can exacerbate feelings of shame, isolation, threat, and powerlessness, especially in students who have experienced trauma. Instead, trauma-informed schools focus on understanding the root causes of behavior and teaching students the skills they need to make better choices, while walking with them to accountability for their actions. This approach recognizes that both learning and behavior are brain issues. Students who have experienced trauma may have difficulties with emotional regulation, impulse control, or social skills. By adopting a restorative, skill-building approach to discipline, educators can help students develop the tools they need to succeed in all areas of their lives. Conclusion: Creating Hopeful, Healing Environments for All
The most important thing educators can understand about challenging behaviors is that these behaviors often have deeper roots in a child’s experiences, emotions, and developmental needs. By adopting a trauma-informed approach—one that centers on relationships, restorative practices, co-regulation, co-care, a healthy work life balance, high expectations and high support—educators can help students not only overcome behavioral challenges but also heal, grow, thrive and be accountable.
As schools transform into places of hope and healing, where everyone is valuable and has a purpose, educators play a pivotal role in fostering environments where students feel seen, valued, heard, and connected. When we commit to teaching and healing together, we create a community that supports all students, helps them build the skills they need, and prepares them for a future full of all the successes of being a productive, kind human.